| Why do the blondes always get it? |
[Nov. 7th, 2006|06:27 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  weird | ] |
I don't know but here's another one...
Jack, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm.
He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.
The 10:00 news was on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on
a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Jack and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"
Jack says, "You know, I bet he will."
The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."
Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan
dive off of the building, falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset and handed her $30 to Jack, saying, "Fair's
fair. Here's your money."
Jack replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the
5 o'clock news and knew he would jump."
The blonde replies, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."
Jack took the money. |
|
|
| Let's talk about the fundus... |
[Oct. 31st, 2006|02:59 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hungry | ] |
Today I started my maternity/labor and delivery rotation. This is the one that most of my class thing is really slow and dull...well because they want to be doing dressings etc.
Well in one day I got to: Give an IM injection for the mother, assess both mother and baby, feel a fundus, check an O2 sat on a newborn (not so easy), attend a breast feeding class and help our new mother with breast feeding, give medications, do a BUBBLE HE (don't ask) and play with a placenta that a nurse saved for us after a c-section...man those things are large and bloody.
Not too shabby I'd say.
Of course we didn't get any kind of break and now I am knackered and hungry. |
|
|
| Blonde Joke... |
[Oct. 4th, 2006|10:36 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | giggly | ] |
A guy got on a plane and found himself seated next to a cute blonde.
He immediately turned to her and made his move. "You know," he said, "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a
conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk."
The blonde, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the guy, "What would you like to discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the guy. "How about nuclear power?"
"Okay," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the
same stuff -- grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow
turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop.
Why do you suppose that is?"
The guy was dumbfounded. Finally he replied, "I haven't the slightest idea."
"So tell me, then" said the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"
Oh and I am not sure why the giggly emotion winks lol. |
|
|
| Diet |
[Sep. 30th, 2006|07:13 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | depressed | ] |
Today I joined Weight Watchers because I am overweight and know I need to do something about it. Of course it's depressing when you put in your current weight and it spits out a target weight for you that I believe would make me far too skinny...hello I like my muscles (the ones I have) and I don't want to be a twig...just thinner than I am.
Anyone else on a diet? How do you stay motivated? I crave sweet food a lot so I find diets horrible normally.
On an entirely different note one of my horses is really growing his winter coat, the other poor chap is practically naked. Of course the hairy one is the one I am taking to the show next week. |
|
|
| Never argue with a woman... |
[Sep. 29th, 2006|02:27 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  amused | ] |
One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage
after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not
familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She
motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to
read her book.
The peace and solitude are magnificent.
Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat.
He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What
are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")
"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."
"Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could
start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says
the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," says the Game Warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could
start at any moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.
MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also
think. |
|
|
| Congratulations! |
[Aug. 17th, 2006|04:22 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
My friend is now the proud owner of an OTTB...welcome to the 2 horse world lol. |
|
|
| Bumper stickers |
[Aug. 4th, 2006|08:30 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | amused | ] |
So I saw this on The Kitten Board and some of them really made me laugh. Have you seen any good bumper stickers recently?
When God said ‘love your neighbor,’ I don’t think he meant to kill them.
There's a jeep up the street from me that has an upside down bumper sticker on the back that reads: "If you can read this...flip me over."
I'm kinda partial to the one that I saw on a covertible: "When it's hot, I go topless."
God was my co-pilot, but we crashed in the mountains and I had to eat him
TARDIS EXPRESS: When it absolutely, positively had to be there before you sent it!
Frodo failed...Bush has the ring
667- Neighbor of the Beast
Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an a-hole.
Eve was framed
Women are great leaders, you're following one
Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges
Illiterate? Write for our free brochure!
Doing my part to piss off the religious right
WORK HARDER...Millions On Welfare Depend On You
Once saw, written in the dirt on a car in the car-park of a church, the words "Baptise Me".
On the back of a Mini Coop: When I Grow Up, I'm Going To Be A Hummer
Slave wanted. No experience necessary, will train (with a little picture of a flogger)
If you cut off my reproductive choice, can I cut off yours?
Politicians are like diapers, they need to be changed frequently and often for the same reason
Gay By Nature, Proud By Choice
Say "I do" to equal marriage rights
Well Behaved Women Rarely Make History
Where's The Messiah When We Need Her?
Why do we kill people who kill people to show that killing people is wrong?
Equal Rights Are NOT Special Rights
Hatred Is NOT A Family Value
Love Animals Don't Eat Them
Religion is for people afraid of going to Hell. Spirituality is for those who have been there.
Last time we mixed politics with religion... people got burned at the stake
Plants and animals disappear every day to make room for your fat ass
Friends don't let friends vote republican
4 out of 5 cannibals agree...vegetarians taste better
Bush: Like a Rock, Only Dumber
Honk if you think I'm Jesus!! |
|
|
| Hot hot hot! |
[Jun. 19th, 2006|01:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | hot | ] |
Today it's over 90 degrees here with about 45% humidity. The horses are out in the pasture sweating and I brought them in, hosed them off, re fly sprayed them and put them back out. Not sure what to do with the lamb. Thank goodness her fleece isn't too thick yet.
England play tomorrow! I might actually get to watch the game here in the US. And we are off to a family vacation in England in just over a week. MMM fish and chips! |
|
|
| 666 |
[Jun. 6th, 2006|03:12 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | lonely | ] |
Well so far it has been a fun day and I actually got to write something and use the 666 date :) I have been productive today by grooming one horse and riding, getting gas for the truck and the mower and then mowing all of the grass which isn't a pasture/paddock. I also have my youngest child picking up dog poo for the promise of chocolate milk and a treat from Starbucks on Friday! LOL. Oh and I made a birthday cake for a good friend who is home some time today.
The wife is in CA and I miss her. Hence the productivity. Is it Friday yet?
Oh on a side note my sister in law had a baby girl at 1.30pm today. Now there's a birth date you shouldn't forget. I wonder how many baby Damien's are born today? |
|
|
| Comic books |
[Jun. 1st, 2006|10:25 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
Batwoman is becoming a lesbian. Finally a comic I might read...other than the Willow and Tara ones that Amber and Chris wrote and I got signed.
In other news Muppet turns 4 today and my friend turns 7! We'll be having her party when she gets home :) I actually rode again today but not for long because Saxon managed to cut his leg so I needed to deal with it and it is bloody humid outside. And hot. I need to take the new barn kittens to the vets this afternoon so hopefully I can catch them, and Miss Kitty must have gotten in a fight yesterday (that would be the noise we heard last night) and he tail is a little bent today.
Anyway on to the comic book article I found on Yahoo......
Batwoman is back as a lesbian By LARRY McSHANE, Associated Press Writer
Wed May 31, 6:11 PM ET
NEW YORK - Years after she first emerged from the Batcave, Batwoman is coming out of the closet. DC Comics is resurrecting the classic comic book character as a lesbian, unveiling the new Batwoman in July as part of an ongoing weekly series that began this year.
ADVERTISEMENT
The 5-foot-10 superhero comes with flowing red hair, knee-high red boots with spiked heels, and a form-fitting black outfit.
"We decided to give her a different point of view," explained Dan DiDio, vice president and executive editor at DC. "We wanted to make her a more unique personality than others in the Bat-family. That's one of the reasons we went in this direction."
The original Batwoman was started in 1956, and killed off in 1979. The new character will share the same name as her original alter ego, Kathy Kane. And the new Batwoman arrives with ties to others in the Gotham City world.
"She's a socialite from Gotham high society," DiDio said. "She has some past connection with Bruce Wayne. And she's also had a past love affair with one of our lead characters, Renee Montoya."
Montoya, in the "52" comic book series, is a former police detective. Wayne, of course, is Batman's true identity — but he has disappeared, along with Superman and Wonder Woman, leaving Gotham a more dangerous place.
The "52" series is a collaboration of four acclaimed writers, with one episode per week for one year. The comics will introduce other diverse characters as the story plays out.
"This is not just about having a gay character," DiDio said. "We're trying for overall diversity in the DC universe. We have strong African-American, Hispanic and Asian characters. We're trying to get a better cross-section of our readership and the world."
The outing of Batwoman created a furor of opinions on Web sites devoted to DC Comics. Opinions ranged from outrage to approval. Others took a more tongue-in-cheek approach to the announcement.
"Wouldn't ugly people as heroes be more groundbreaking?" asked one poster. "You know, 200-pound woman, man with horseshoe hair loss pattern, people with cold sores, etc.?"
DiDio asked that people wait until the new Batwoman's appearance in the series before they pass judgment.
"You know what? Judge us by the story and character we create," he said. "We are confident that we are telling a great story with a strong, complex character."
DiDio spent most of the morning fielding phone calls from media intrigued by the Batwoman reinvention.
"It's kind of weird," he said. "We had a feeling it would attract some attention, but we're a little surprised it did this much."
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